11 signs you’re starting to adult.

Uncategorized

Oh no.

I’ve been trying to run from this for at least 3 or 4 years. But I admit defeat – I’m slowly transforming into an adult.

Crap.

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Here are some signs you’re also going through this inevitable transition..

1. You enjoy watching Location Location Location

What’s more, you’re actually putting yourself in the position of the first time buyers – ‘hmm yeah they’re right about being so close to the main road. Great access to the train station and decent schools though’. No I ain’t guna buy a house. Why do Phil and Kirsty make looking at them seem so fun though?

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2. You write a list for a food shop

and actually stick to it.

3. You’re friends with real life adults

And they’re not just your parents friends- they’re your friends. Adults – imagine that!

 

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4. You leave a decent night out because you know you’ll feel like hell at work tomorrow.

You may get home and stay up even longer watching cringey proposal videos on YouTube but the good intentions were there.

5. Saying that, sleep is your best friend

You stick to a bed time most nights which is so unbelievably sad but feels so good.

6. Your mates are getting pregnant and married and you congratulate them

Because it seems intentional now…

7. You silently judge teenagers outfits.

Too many crop tops, not enough jumpers girls

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8. People at work come to you with questions

You think I know the answer? I have no idea what’s going on mate

9. You no longer see the appeal of junk food.

It’s gross, it makes you feel awful and you’d rather a nice pasta salad.

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10. You strategically plan annual leave to get maximum beach/festival/lying on the sofa time

Being paid to do a whole load of nothing is a beautiful beautiful thing.

11. Fitbits.

Fitbits everywhere. Basically a glorified, overpriced pedometer. But gotta have one. Counting steps each day – how very adult of me.

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tired of this shizz.

Despite all of these signs, you just gotta remember that you’re nothing more than a lost child, blagging your way through this mess. Keep at it 🙂

Maz

x

Such a cringe night.

Awky Maz, Uncategorized
mooood mooosic 😉
I like to say yes to any new experiences that crop up. That probably explains why I ended up living in random places all over the world, once appeared in a Jedward music video, and was talking about Ben Shepherd on Radio 1 last week … amongst other random crap I fill my time with.
It’s one thing saying yes to new opportunities and it’s another seeing an opportunity arise and volunteering to do it. One of my fave bloggers, Emma (girl lost in the city) tweeted about an event that she couldn’t attend but highly recommended and said how they needed people to read. It was called ‘Cringe London’ and was basically an open mic of people reading their cringe worthy teenage diaries. I tweeted the lovely lady in charge and signed up (as well as sending her a nice cringe photo to be displayed behind me). I invited Sara to come along for moral support because I wasn’t quite ready to cringe on my own.12874421_10208882327515240_910696778_o
Looking back, I wasn’t really one to keep many teenage diaries because I was too busy bitching about my teachers, avoiding doing my homework and testing my limits on how much vodka it took me to pass out in a field (joking, that never happened if you’re reading mum…). But in Namibia (my gap yaaaaah) I found myself with lots of time for diary writing – because let’s face it, living in the African bush without a TV can get dull at times. I took along two diaries to the Phoenix pub in Cavendish Square and kinda bookmarked what I remembered as a bit embarrassing. Ana suggested I go up second or third to kinda get it out of the way. Down in the basement of the pub Sara and I munched on some sweet potato fries and happily watched Ana go first. She had some great stories from when she was around 15, rating the boys in her class.
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More stories came from teenage years in Canada, jumping between boyfriends and scripting what you want to say on the phone to your crush. When it came to my turn I was uncharacteristically nervous because the other readers so far had been friggin hilarious. I’m talking, I could’ve wet myself laughing. Although it probably doesn’t seem like it on paper; reading your very private teenage diaries to a room full of hundreds of strangers in a pub basement is strangely cathartic.
I talked about that time Senanses stole from Fran and I (we were pissssed), dull church services in Namibia and being chased by antelope. I was mid sentence when I got a tap on the shoulder ‘sorry can I interrupt you for a second. Does anyone here know first aid!?’ A girl had fainted. Oh shit. Hoping she was ok and also thinking ‘how weird that me and saz were talking about needing first aid a second ago’. Luckily she was fiiiiine! I carried on where I left off after an interval with minimal drama. It was reassuring to hear a few laughs and not just the total silence I was expecting!12873671_10208882329635293_149873362_o
A few more readers went after me who were so frank, honest and hilarious.There’s no filter with these readings; everything’s included from ‘warm sloppy kisses’ to ‘his hand in between my legs’ and all the cringe in between. I won’t dish out all their secret 15 year old fantasies but we were absolutely pissing ourselves. New Year’s Eve parties, holiday romances that didn’t go past a kiss on the cheek and a lot of ‘is God even that powerful?!’ remarks. We had to dash off at the end but it was great to hear from a few audience members ‘you were so funny!’ – yes that is people laughing at my cringeness.Screen Shot 2016-03-22 at 22.23.46
Reading my diary aloud to room of strangers made me realise; what you imagine at the time to be legit life changing moments, turn out to just be awkward, embarrassing blips of teenage confusion. We all have them, and they’re friggin hilarious to read back on. There’s one more Cringe London event before Ana gives birth – I might not be in London then but will try my best to go. I will force Sara to read and anyone else who fancies a proper cringey laugh should 100% try it. (have I said CRINGE enough..??)
ALL THE LOLS
Maz x
p.s. check out Cringe London here on –
and meee here –
xox
Thanks again Ana for having me!

Overheard this week

Au Pairing in Paris

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I feel kinda guilty for not posting for a while. Sowwwwrry! Here’s some funny things I’ve heard this week from the kids.

Running away from the little ones in the park –
F – ‘I’m going to die! I’m going to die!!!!’
Me – ‘Why? Are they the monsters?!’
F – ‘Noooo my sister. My sisters in love! I’m going to die!!!!’
Me – ‘Did she tell you?’
F – ‘No I asked the boy and he said its true. Aaah!’

With J, looking at family photos while he was peeing –
Me – ‘Is that your uncle?’
J – ‘Noooo that’s my un-cool!’

Mid tantrum (apparently I’m the baddy for sending her to her room for spitting on and punching her siblings)
F – ‘Mary you are really not nice! You are even more not nice than my teacher at school! I really think you are so mean.’

Whining while walking home from school
F – ‘Why can’t I be 3? Why can’t you push me in a buggy?!’
Me – ‘you’re 7, its great to be 7’
F – ‘No its not, I hate being grown up’

J looking down at his thing whilst changing his nappy
J – ‘Mary its grown. Its getting bigger.’

Aaaaand that pretty much sums up my week

Mary x

‘Shine bright like your mother’ – 2nd March 2014

Africa
Hello!
 
I always enjoy going to church at Otjikondo but Sunday’s service seemed a bit strange; firstly it was Father Erasmus taking the service instead of Gilly and about a third of the children had gone home with their parents so it felt a bit empty. No one really knew what was going on with the songs/marimbas/piano and Father Erasmus even quoted a Rihanna song… He said ‘Who is the most beautiful mother? Our own mothers are the most beautiful. Beautiful like diamonds in the sky’. I tried my best not to burst out laughing. Throughout the day I heard a few children say ‘shine bright like your mother’. 
 
I went straight to the birthday cupboard afterwards to give 3 pieces of clothing to every child whose birthday was in the past week. They all were well behaved, they put the clothes back neatly and found things they liked really quickly which is not usually the case! I even got to help my sponsor child choose her clothes because she’s just turned 8, she then came to the GAP flat garden with her best friend Eengwi to open some small birthday presents that I’d brought and wrapped way back in August (I’d completely forgotten what I’d got). I gave them both presents because I didn’t want Eengwi to feel left out and they were only small things like a fairy wand, Mr Men book, keyring and a few sweets. Little did I know that Tjazupo would have a mini strop because she got 1 less sweet (I must count more thoroughly next time!), I sent them back to their hostels and Tjazupo quickly got over it because Eengwi was kind enough to share her sweets. 
 
That afternoon the GAPs (Rebecca, Eleanor, Iris and Luisa) went on a farm drive with Gilly, Katy and Reiner whilst Annika and I chilled in the garden and went for a quick swim in Gilly’s pool. I was asleep in our garden when Karina, Japs and Destiny threw a massive branch at me through the gate screaming ‘have some spinach Miss Mary! We brought you some spinach, eat it Mary!’. I kindly declined their lovely offer and guessed they wanted some entertainment. I have a great video of them using their best compliments on me as we walked around school, ‘Mary you are the only rose in the garden! Mary you are the sharpest thorn in the bush. Oh Miss Mary you are the only snake that bites, the only key to open my heart, the only Mopani worm that I’ll eat!’. When I sat down to quickly check my Facebook they saw some photos of me from when I was 14, about the same age they are, and were shocked at how different I looked. I personally just think I look a bit lankier and have nicer hair but they were screaming and shouting about how it looks like a different person. ‘Miss Mary, why aren’t you pretty anymore?!’ – ahh you have to appreciate their honesty! After googling things like ‘world’s deadliest snake’ and ‘world’s fattest man’ for a while (they love to google!) we walked over to the big girls hostel where Audrey offered to braid my hair, I chose orange, pink and grey. Meanwhile Karina dragged a big clear container out from her locker, it was filled with murky green water and about 50 tadpoles, Karina never fails to surprise me! She then showed me her photo album where she’s put photos that I’d given her last year when I’d left. As well as a photograph of her in her traditional tribal outfit and she’d captioned it ‘I’m proud of my culture’.
 
Rebecca made a huge lasagna for dinner and I contributed with fudge that didn’t quite set. I don’t like lasagna because food in layers seems very strange to me so I used the mince meat to have spaghetti bolognese. Having 6 GAPs in the flat was hectic but so nice to hear everyone’s stories.
 
Lots of love,
Mary
xxx